50 years of life: lessons I would pass on to my now adult kids

Last week my family celebrated my 50th birthday. This is a big milestone in life. Reaching 50 in relatively good health and good shape (Yes! Round is nice) is a blessing.

Throughout the week, my nieces and nephews kept asking me the same question: Hassanbey/Dhobeybey, how does it feel to be 50?

My immediate answer is obvious: old. It feels old to have been alive for 50 years. They also ask me follow-up questions on what I have learned and what I would give them as advice.

When my son turned 18 a few years ago, I wrote two lines of advice: Live responsibly, young man. Freedom is an intoxicant, and time is an illusion—use both wisely.

I would think that the most important life lesson for anyone is the realization over time that time, indeed, is an illusion. Time is also elusive. It is a double-edged sword – it is both powerful and perilous at the same time. Success comes from harnessing the power of time and managing it as much as possible. I have often advised young men and women to educate themselves on Murphy and Parkinson’s ideas of time management.

Embrace Change and Lifelong Learning: Over two decades, I have witnessed and adapted to significant changes in my personal and professional lives. A key lesson is the importance of staying flexible, embracing change, and committing to lifelong learning to stay relevant and fulfilled.

Become anti-fragile, cultivate resilience and perseverance: Throughout my blog, I have shared challenges and setbacks. A vital life lesson is the power of resilience and perseverance—how to weather storms, learn from failures, and keep moving forward.

Resilience versus antifragility: learning to benefit from shocks and harnessing post-traumatic growth

Value Relationships and Community: Personal and professional growth doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Highlight the importance of nurturing relationships, building a supportive community, and the impact of collaboration and networking.

Balance and Well-being: After years of juggling various roles and responsibilities, you understand the significance of maintaining a healthy life balance and prioritizing well-being, including mental, physical, and emotional health.

Wife says she was on a self-care weekend yesterday.

So many Gen Xers have binary concepts of many things in our lives. Self-care predicated on turning off everyone else, including family and close friends, can be detrimental to one’s mental health & general wellbeing over time.

— Hassan Saeed (@ha_SUN) June 25, 2023

Give Back and Pay It Forward: With your wealth of experience, you recognize the importance of giving back to society and helping others. Sharing knowledge, mentoring, and contributing to causes you care about can be fulfilling aspects of a well-lived life.

Altruism is the most important value we as a society need today. Teach kids the interconnected nature of our existence and how we derive happiness from being able to help others. In F'mulah, the prevalence of "Afun" (we) in our vernacular shows how important community was to us.

— Hassan Saeed (@ha_SUN) September 8, 2019

Some of the modern concepts we have borrowed from other cultures don’t necessarily address our challenges. Sometimes, I make sarcastic remarks about my wife’s self-care routine and it is a good example where we could potentially go overboard on one thing if we do not consciously balance what we do in life.

One final word of advice for those in their 20s or just getting into their 20s – this is the decade that makes or breaks it when it comes to staying healthy in your senior years. One thing that really matters is self-control: don’t do anything that will be detrimental to you over the long run.

Reflect on your life. Spend time wisely.

Echoes of Time: Imagining the mystical legacy of an Equatorial Enigma that is Fuvahmulah

Fuvahmulah holds a place of unparalleled significance for me; it is the epicenter of my world. My formative years in the late 1970s and early 1980s were cradled in my grandfather’s tinsmith workshop, a place that nurtured my early life. My uncle’s residence nestles next to Havitta, only a hundred steps from the historical mound. Like his father, he is a skilled tinsmith even though he does not practice daily. He still has a workshop right next to his swing on the front porch. Each visit to him is a temporal journey, catapulting me back centuries, perhaps even millennia.

In my mind’s theater, I craft life scenarios on the island from a millennium ago, piecing together fragments from historical accounts and the analytical lenses of observers like HCP Bell and Thor Heyerdahl. Over the years, I’ve shared insights based on their observations through various blog posts on this platform.

Transitioning to a different realm of ancient architecture, the construction of the Egyptian pyramids remains shrouded in mystery. The disconnect between the engineering marvels of the past and the knowledge base of contemporary Egyptians is stark. Over the millennia, the profound understanding and skills of the pyramid builders have either evaporated or failed to transcend the ages, prompting theories as outlandish as alien architects or advanced ancient civilizations.

Similarly, Fuvahmulah’s ancient Buddhist structures, now in ruins, echo a history of sophistication and advanced craftsmanship barely grasped in their entirety. Accounts from 16th-century travellers marvelled at the island’s carpentry and construction techniques, while Bell and Heyerdahl expressed awe during their explorations. Local folklore whispers of a mystical superspecies, the Redhin, as the architects of Haviththa.

Yet, the full truth remains elusive.

My quest isn’t for an absolute historical truth but a celebration of the rich, albeit mysterious, heritage of my homeland. My curiosity wanders to the island’s evolution into a significant Buddhist centre, isolated in the vastness of the Indian Ocean yet pulsating with life and spirituality, over a thousand kilometres from Ceylon.

Speculating on the island’s earliest inhabitants stirs intriguing questions. Were there communities present when the temple builders embarked upon their monumental projects? Did the island’s geographical solitude and strategic location in the oceanic expanse make it a deliberate choice for a Veyru, a Buddhist monastic complex?

Imagining the initial encounters between the island’s first settlers and the later Veyru builders opens a fascinating narrative canvas, ripe for exploration and interpretation.

Breakfast with Ivy and Brian

Today I had the privilege of spending some time with Ivy and Brian Underhill, who are our repeat guests.

Brian takes a photo album out of his beach bag and takes me back 65 years into his memories. He shows me snapshots of life from his time at the RAF base and memories of his visit to Addu in 1998. As we finished going through the album, he took out an iPad case and asked me to open it for him. I thought it was an iPad with more photos that he digitalized over time, but to my surprise, the box had more valuable things—it contained memorabilia from his life with the RAF and it is a tiny treasure trove.

Brian loves Ivy, and their 60+ years of marriage is a testament to this fact. In addition to his love of football and horses, Brian has a very special corner of his heart for the Maldives, for Maldivians, and in particular, for people from Addu, people he remembers from his time at the RAF base in Gan in 1962.

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Brian is a fireman from the RAF and he was posted at Gan for a year in 1962. He arrived in the Maldives on RAF Brittania.

He visited Addu 36 years later in 1998 and was reunited with Hassan Labeeb, who is the son of his friend Ibrahim and Abdulla who is the son of his friend Moosa Manik. Brian told me that he taught English to Hassan Labeeb when Ibrahim brought him over to Gan.

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RAF Gan was a British military base from the ’60s until the mid-70s. People like me who are from the southern hemispheric portion of the Maldives have many stories of those times. The last squadron left the base when I was just 2 years old, so I would have no memory of any direct connection to the base. My father, however, is a beneficiary of the medical services that the locals had access to. He had ankle surgery in the early 1970s at the Gan Field Hospital.

Here are the photos in the gallery:

1 Photo with Ibrahim (father of Hassan Labeeb) and Moosa Maniku (father of Abdulla Moosa who he later met in 1998)

2 Brian and colleagues playing football

3 Court of Arms of RAF Gan

4 Brian and Ivy today holding a photo of them on their wedding day

5 The Brittania

6 Transport Command Note to Passengers

7 Brian trying to fix a well-preserved palm frond origami fish we gave him last year.

8 Photo of his friend Moosa Manik’s son Abdulla Moosa’s family – photo taken in 1998

Introspection and reflective practice

My paternal grandmother, Munna, passed away about 35 years ago. She was a woman of steel—very strong in her character. She belonged to the Gal-adigedhari clan. She was tall, lean, and straight, with no visible fat anywhere on her body. One of the things that she did was sit still for hours on end. When she sat like that, she would not speak to anyone and stare into nothingness. She would squat or use a small step stool to rest her bottom. She had no obvious mental health issues that our family knew of; therefore, it is safe to assume that she was quietly meditating.

Then there was my uncle Ammappaa who was a master skipper of Dhehafaali dhoani (ten-oared fishing vessel). Friday was the weekly break for fishermen. Most fishermen stayed on shore on Fridays. For Ammappa, Friday was when he would spend much time with me and visit his sister in the morning. In the afternoon, his friend Dhadimagigey Hassanbe would visit him on his bicycle, and they would speak for a few hours over Dhohaan’e (chewing betel and areca nut). Hassanbe, too, was a skipper. The conversation was always about their fishing that week. Which side of the island did they go to, and what happened to fishing that day. They reminisced over the week, sharing and reflecting on their experiences.

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Francis Ponge was a French poet who lived in the 1800s. He was known to some as the poet of things for his description of everyday objects such as oranges, potatoes, and cigarettes in a poetic voice. One of his works involve the humble soap and how useful it is and how differently it behaves under different conditions. Some researchers have likened reflection to Ponge’s soap – coming in many forms, serving many purposes, and meaning different things to different people. So, what exactly is reflection? Simply put, it involves taking the time to think deeply about your experiences and examining them from different angles. This could mean reflecting on a recent conversation you had with a friend, analyzing a challenging work situation, or even just taking a few moments to think about your day.

When we engage in reflection, our brains undergo a series of changes. For one, research suggests that reflective thinking can lead to changes in neural pathways, helping to strengthen connections between different parts of the brain. This, in turn, can lead to improvements in cognitive function, including memory, attention, and problem-solving. But the benefits of reflection aren’t just limited to cognitive function. Reflection has also been shown to have a positive impact on emotional regulation. When we take the time to reflect on our experiences, we are better able to identify and process our emotions, which can help us regulate them more effectively. This, in turn, can lead to lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression.

Reflection is not just thinking. Reflection means more than just everyday thinking. The Oxford Dictionary lists many meanings for the word reflection, but the most noteworthy for me are: a. the image from a shiny surface or a mirror and b. serious thought or consideration. I remember listening to one of Shihab’s speeches on YouTube, where he says that each civil servant needs a mirror—one that he or she can hold in front and look at their reflections. They must then think deeply about whether they are being true and sincere civil servants in the eyes of the people they are employed to serve.

The best self-help, to me, does not come from books or gurus. The best ideas for self-improvement come from introspection and reflective thinking. Simply put, we need to sit silent, calm our minds, and reflect on where we are, where we want to go, what obstacles block the way, and how best to void or overcome them. So this new year, let us all look inside us, reflect on our own impact on the world around us and think deeply about making it more meaningful and positive.

My talk at MAHRP L&D Conference 2023 – in 5 bullet points

• Hospitality workplaces in Maldives have many challenges – they have hierarchies and silos that make deliberate emotional and cultural intelligence training necessary to avoid mental health issues, burnout and microaggression.

Resorts in the Maldives are workplaces where groups of people live and work together for long periods of time. They are very often away from their families and friends. Resorts have silos and hierarchies that separate groups of people, and there aren’t enough cohesive social interactions between these groups. Some of these groups are considered inferior by others; an example of this is the treatment of Bangladeshi workers by the rest. Most often, this alienation and separation is not explicit. They are implicit and at a subconscious level. The same is true for the interactions between guests and staff and among guests from different cultures. A lack of cultural understanding often results in conflict, wrong perceptions, and unmet expectations. Unmet expectations and perceived lack of sensitivity, empathy, and respect from one individual or group of individuals lead to passive aggression and microaggressions over time.

• Utilization of behavioral insights has the potential to mitigate some of the passive and microaggression among employees.

Behavioral insights are pivotal in hospitality workplaces, particularly in culturally diverse environments like the Maldives. They provide a deeper understanding of why people behave as they do, which is crucial for effectively managing guest expectations and employee interactions. In hospitality settings, where interactions are heavily reliant on sensory perceptions, understanding the mental shortcuts (heuristics) and biases that shape these perceptions is essential. For instance, a guest’s experience is influenced by more than just the physical comfort provided; it’s shaped by their interactions with staff, the ambience, and their preconceived notions about the service. Similarly, staff interactions are influenced by their cultural backgrounds and the stereotypes they may unconsciously hold. By applying behavioral insights, L&D and HR leaders can create strategies to mitigate misunderstandings, enhance guest satisfaction, and foster a more harmonious and inclusive workplace culture.

• Using Insights from Kahneman, Gigerenzer, Banaji, and Mlodinow

The work of Kahneman, Gigerenzer, Banaji, and Mlodinow offers valuable perspectives for enhancing emotional and cultural intelligence in the hospitality industry. Kahneman’s exploration of fast and slow thinking can help in understanding how quick judgments or stereotypes might impact guest-staff interactions. Gigerenzer’s focus on heuristics can aid in recognizing the mental shortcuts used by staff and guests in making decisions under uncertainty. Banaji’s research on implicit biases is crucial for addressing the subtle prejudices that may exist within the workplace, particularly in the way different groups of employees, like the Bangladeshi workers are treated. Mlodinow’s insights into how our subconscious influences our perceptions and relationships can guide in creating a more empathetic and understanding environment. By integrating these insights, hospitality professionals can develop training programs and operational strategies that address these psychological factors, leading to a more positive, efficient, and inclusive working environment.

• We can ‘nudge’ people towards a more fun, congenial workplace.

Nudging, as popularized by Thaler, is a powerful concept in the realm of hospitality. It involves subtly guiding guests and employees towards more positive behaviors without infringing on their freedom of choice. For instance, visual cues or gentle reminders can be used to promote better understanding and respect among diverse staff and guests. Sensory wakefulness, or being more attuned to the sensory experiences of others, can help in anticipating and addressing the needs and comforts of guests from different cultural backgrounds. Reminders for staff to be aware of their own biases and to practice empathy can significantly improve guest experiences and staff interactions. L&D leaders can help in implementing nudges from designing the physical space to encouraging more interaction between different groups to integrate reminders in training sessions about cultural sensitivity. The aim is to create an environment where biases and stereotypes are actively challenged and where guests and staff alike feel understood and valued.

• We can mitigate Illusions in Perception through Self-Awareness, Sensory Wakefulness, and Frequent Reminders

In the context of hospitality, especially in a diverse setting like the Maldives, self-awareness, sensory wakefulness, and frequent reminders play a crucial role in mitigating the illusions created by biases, heuristics, and fallacies. Self-awareness involves individuals, both staff and guests, recognizing their own preconceptions and emotional responses. This is particularly important in a setting where cultural misunderstandings can easily arise. Sensory wakefulness refers to being more attuned to non-verbal cues and the broader sensory environment, which can greatly enhance understanding and empathy in guest interactions. Frequent reminders, perhaps through training sessions or subtle cues in the workplace, help in continuously challenging and de-biasing one’s thought processes. These strategies are essential in breaking down barriers created by subconscious biases, leading to more authentic, respectful, and satisfying interactions between staff and guests. Fostering an environment that values these principles can lead to a more harmonious workplace and enhance guest satisfaction by creating a more empathetic and understanding service culture.

We learn through inferences—through all our senses. We form perceptions through the input we get from our senses of sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing. We send these inputs to our brains, and the wiring in the brain comes up with interpretations that aren’t always accurate. The wiring in our brains is the result of thousands of years of evolution and cultural learning. These learnings develop heuristics or shortcuts to help us form judgements under uncertainty. We develop these shortcuts into rules of thumb that later become stereotypes and identities. Behavioral insights help us understand why people behave in the way they do and some possible ways of debugging the brain, reminding individuals to de-bias their thinking.

The fragrant Moonimaa braid

The breeze caresses her cheeks like a kiss,

As the creamy scent of fragrant moonima bliss,

Fills the dawn air with so much pleasure,

She takes them all in, for every bit is a sweet treasure.

She beams with pride when morning’s work’s displayed,

Her face aglow in kerosene’s soft shade,

Braiding blooms with tender, careful flare,

A garland for her wavy, darkened hair.

With every flower threaded in the string,

Her hands compose a crown fit for a king,

Soon to grace her locks with scented care,

In woven fragrance, delicately fair.

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My mother loved Moonimaa (Mimusops Elengi) Spanish Cherry flowers.

My uncle told me how his Dhondhaththa would wake him up early morning at the crack of dawn to accompany her into the taro field and the islands that had the Spanish cherry trees. This would be behind (what is now) Radiumge. She will make him carry the kerosene lamp if they did not find the torch light. She will gather the flowers, hold the hem of her dress up, and carry them home in the dress.

The flowers will be threaded together and made into a wreath. She would wear that the whole day in her hair.

Smell of nostalgia

Some smells penetrate deep into us, to the core of our souls. They are remnants of people, things and moments that we lived in the past. Some smells aren’t pleasant but they had everlasting endnotes that linger on for life. They make us want to envelope ourselves in that, just once more because of the profound meaning they evoke in us. Some smells are vivid, so vivid that they take you straight to a different place that transcends time. They are stories. They are moving pictures. They are so real. Some remind you of how poor you were. Some remind you how loved you were. Some remind you how happy you were. They remind you of your roots, your beginning.

Hassanfushi

It is Amaa’s sweat and milk as she breast fed my little brother/sister and I sat next to her in the swing leaning against her listening to her humming a beautiful lullaby.

It is the smell of Amaa’s fish curry paste – Athelhegey Badhige version, made with freshly ground spice mix on her dhaa as she methodically added fresh garlic, clove by clove, fresh raanbaa, hikandhi faiy and other spices, gently twisting the heavy granite roller on the granite surface.

It is the smell of the smoke coming out of our small wood fire kitchen as it permeates through lime, coral and drying stems of palm fronds.

It is the smell of the strangely soothing mixture of decaying wood, kerosene and ripening bananas coming out of the giant wooden chest in our house as a filhi baththi is kept inside it along with a bunch of green bananas.

It is…

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Subtract to improve. Less can be more!

As a hotel manager, my conversations with my GM often revolve around ways to enhance our property and improve our services. We try to keep up with the latest trends and offer more choices to our guests, whether it’s new restaurant menus or enticing packages. But after a few years of these additions, we start to wonder if they actually make a difference.

We tend to think that more options lead to greater satisfaction. We assume that offering more menu items and richer sauces will make dining experiences better. But according to civil engineer Leidy Klotz who explores the intersection of behavioral science and engineering, less can actually be more when it comes to improving and enhancing a system.

In his 2021 book, Subtract: The Untapped Science of Less, Klotz explores the concept of subtraction as a way to create sustainable systems that improve people’s quality of life. He argues that instead of constantly adding more choices and options, we should focus on removing unnecessary elements and simplifying processes.

This idea can be applied to the hospitality industry as well. Instead of adding more menu items, we could focus on perfecting a few signature dishes. Instead of offering a wide range of packages, we could simplify our offerings and make them more targeted to specific guest needs.
But how do we know what to subtract? Klotz suggests using a “subtraction checklist” to identify unnecessary elements. This can include asking questions like “What can we remove without reducing functionality?” and “What can we remove without reducing enjoyment?”

Using subtraction as a tool for improvement, we can create more efficient and sustainable systems that ultimately lead to greater guest satisfaction. It’s not about offering more choices, but about offering the right choices that truly enhance the guest experience.
As hotel managers, we should constantly look for ways to improve and enhance our properties and services. But instead of always adding more, we should consider the power of subtraction. By simplifying and streamlining our offerings, we can create a more sustainable and satisfying guest experience.

The King and ‘kaliyaa birinji’

There’s a tale about a king from the Maldives who was notably disconnected from his subjects. When his chief courtier informed him that people in the islands were starving, he reportedly responded, ‘Emeehunnah hama kaliyaa birinji kolhehves nulibenee tha?’ Translated, this means, ‘Can’t they even get a small portion of kaliyaa birinji?’

Kaliyaa Birinji, as described in recipes passed down by various authors, including President Amin Didi, is a savory rice dish seasoned with an array of spices. While this dish may have been commonplace and unremarkable for the king and his court, it was unattainable for the islanders, as the spices, many of which were imported, were not readily available.

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This type of ignorance in leadership is a challenge we all face. Over time, we may lose touch with the grassroots, lower-level employees, and often, our customers.

Sometimes, we become insulated from the outside world without even realising it. We navigate through situations unconsciously, and our implicit biases can render our decisions less effective and relevant.

Strategic thinking necessitates a thoughtful understanding of the human experience. To fully comprehend this experience, we must immerse ourselves in these situations and listen to those who are living them. Leaders should emerge from the ranks of the people they lead. They need to truly belong, possessing the capacity to approach issues with a comprehensive perspective.

Mobile phones, multi-tasking and never-ending obligations: are we biting more than we can chew?

Note this word: Cognitive Neuroergonomics.

That is a mouthful, I know. Every shortcut or convenience we bring to our lives could ultimately result in a net negative impact in the end. This is true in the case of mobile phones, uninterrupted availability and the expectation that your team must constantly look at their phones. Expecting your team to be polyvalent may be fair, but multitasking or having to have divided concentration and attention can result in substandard performance and unhealthy stress.

What most of us remember from our undergrad research lectures is to differentiate between correlation and causation. Two things may be correlated (happening simultaneously), but that does not mean one caused the other. Some of us might say that we can bring in the same argument to the question of more burnout at work correlating to a greater emphasis on multi-tasking, polyvalence and information overload, but can we really? Evidence suggests that burnout is caused by stress and cognitive overload.

According to Gallup analytics, these are the top 5 causes of burnout:

• Unfair treatment at work
• Unmanageable workload
• Unclear communication from managers
• Lack of manager support
• Unreasonable time pressure

Number 2 and number 5 are directly related to how much work we ask our team to do and how much time they stay engaged in that work. Both these factors have mobile phones and constant connectivity as the greatest contributor enabling the heavy workload and long hours. Mobile phones blur the line between what is personal and professional. You may be at home, winding down and checking your Instagram feed to see what your friends are up to, and suddenly, there is a frenzy of activity in the work-related Viber or Whatsapp groups. You may want to just find out what the commotion is but end up

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Cognitive neuroergonomics is a field of study that focuses on understanding how the brain processes and responds to different types of work tasks, environments, and technologies. It aims to improve the design of work systems and environments in order to optimize the performance and well-being of workers.

Employee burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged exposure to demanding work environments. It is characterized by a range of negative symptoms, such as feelings of cynicism, detachment, and reduced accomplishment, as well as physical symptoms such as fatigue and decreased immune function.

There is a strong link between employee burnout and cognitive neuroergonomics, as the factors contributing to burnout often involve issues related to the design of work systems and environments. For example, workers who are required to perform highly demanding tasks without sufficient resources or support may be more prone to burnout. Similarly, workers who are subjected to high levels of stress, such as those working in high-stakes environments, may be more likely to experience burnout.

By studying the cognitive and neural processes involved in burnout, cognitive neuroergonomics can help to identify and address the underlying causes of burnout and develop strategies to prevent it. This may involve redesigning work systems and environments to better support workers, providing training and resources to help workers cope with demanding tasks, and implementing interventions to reduce stress and promote well-being.

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Mobile phones keep us connected. We are ‘available’ 24/7 and there is often no respite from the rat race we call life. This small device we carry with us everywhere we go forces us to juggle many things at once mentally.

My wife receives and attends to work-related calls past 10 pm at night, and according to her, everyone is expected to answer their phones. I had the same conversation with one of my friends who looks after the administration of a school. He said that staff and parents feel that it is OK to call someone after 9 or 10 pm for school-related queries, but he does not entertain these calls. He asks the callers to call during office hours the next day. Culture is the norm that we accept, accommodate and entertain over time in our interaction with others.

We are slowly but surely blurring the line between public and private lives when we call others and allow others to call us outside office hours.